“What is a friend?” asked Aristotle, “one soul dwelling in two bodies.” Sometimes this happens in a moment. My granddaughters, Sophia and Kinsley (pictured below), were born one week apart and have been two kindred souls ever since. They have an exceptional friendship. For the rest of us, it takes time. Aristotle also said, “Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow-ripening fruit..”
Think for a moment of all the friends in your life. Take a moment to give thanks! Our closest friends - and family - have helped us through the hardest times when others stood by uncaring. What makes the difference between the two?
Friendships that stand the test of time take effort to cultivate and grow. School-age children need friends to develop social skills like communication, problem solving, cooperation and teamwork. The lack of friends can lead to emotional and, of course, relationship struggles.
Visits from your grandchildren can be friendship clinics that help them make, keep and be better friends. Here are three tips…
Help Them Manage Their Emotions
So many emotions! And they differ from day to day, morning to night and child to child. Young children are in discovery mode and have not even thought of “managing” their emotions. They just go with it and you are there to pick up the pieces. As they grow, it becomes more of a work in progress as they learn from you and others how to emote and face the consequences of mis-management.
Check out the emotion explosion when my granddaughter, Evie, is spit upon by her little cousin…
Sometimes managing their emotions is a little bit like holding on to the tail of a tiger! It is wild and unpredictable. Up and down they go, changing by the day and even within the day. To use a different metaphor, you are the fuse box or the breaker box that regulates their lives when there is a surge of emotion.
You’ve been through it all before. You have learned to manage your tears and laughter and fears and fearlessness. Now step up and help them grow through it all. Hug them when they’re afraid, wipe their tears away when they are sad, fan the flames of fun and dowse the flames of anger. They are works in progress.
Help Them Resolve Conflicts
Kid-sized conflicts usually involve sharing toys or taking turns. Sometimes we have to step in and “make” the right things happen, but far better that we talk to the little combatants and help them see how much more fun they can have by following get-along rules.
Rule #1, Call a truce. Before someone gets their feelings hurt (or worse), take a step back and talk about what led to the conflict. There are two sides to every story and getting the story straight is the best starting point to resolving the conflict.
Rule #2, Keep your powder dry. Oliver Cromwell left us this gem in the Battle of Edgeville in 1642. In the days of soldiers and muskets, dry gunpowder was ready for battle but kept dry in the bag. In the midst of conflict, teach your grandchildren to take their fingers off the trigger and put their guns away.
Rule #3, Make friends with your enemy. Conflicts should be an interruption in the lifelong process of making friends. After the dust-up arrange an activity that brings them together. Show them that getting along can be a better strategy than getting it on.
Maybe rules were made to be broken, but when conflict breaks out they are the guard rails that keep the on the road to friendship.
Help Them Be Kind And Respectful
The rule of rules we call the Golden Rule, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” When seen through this filter, unkindness and disrespect are exposed, and kids have a different view of their words and actions.
While it may be easier for some children to be kind and more natural for others to be contrary, the Golden Rule is a reminder of “The Ought,” the way they ought to be. I recall one conversation with my grandson, Carter and his sister, Soph. I pointed to the Golden Rule as they tussled in the back seat on the way to our house. The blame game turned into a love fest. I think there was an “I’m sorry,” and the conversation went up from there.
Teaching kids to say please and thank you and, the hardest words of all, “I’m sorry,” can make way for the Friend-Ship.
You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends and how to be a good friend. Some of the choices kids make under your care will result in friends for life.
All aboard the Friend-Ship!
“Following get along rules,” I like that. A great lesson for adults, too.
Another good lesson for all of us 'kids'...thanks again...